…but then I decided to plagiarise this instead.

A Facebook conversation which had me in stitches. I've had to delete the names to protect the innocent.  I hope if any of them happen across this by accident they will forgive me. The subject is: Chocloate eggs and what they have to do with Easter:

'Am I the only person who disagrees with the ridiculous notion of celebrating Easter and the resurrection of Our Lord by greedily munching into chocolate eggs? I am quite sure that nowhere in the Bible does it mention chocolate. This year I am going to shave a coconut and paint it with garish colours. This way I'll save a few bob by not having to buy a new egg each year. And before you ask - Yes, it does mention coconuts in the Bible. But not macaroon bars.'

Wow

PSALMS 119:103 KJV How sweet are thy words unto my taste! [yea, sweeter] than…

KINGJAMESBIBLEONLINE.ORG

Luke 11.12 ...."Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he?

Easter is an appropriated pagan festival so I believe the eggs come from there

In the pagan version they're rabbit eggs.

Deuteronomy 72 RPM - Laugh not lest ye feel the heft of my shinty stick.

... or mum's broom handle cleft in twain?

And ye shall receive a bounty of coconut eggs

Eggclesiastes 4:3 "And thou shalt gorge thyselves on the cocoa bean of glory, having first searched high and low to gather the glorious bounty. Other chocolate bars are available ".

Shaz 1:1 "Yey, though I walk thru the valley to Morrisons, I will fear no price crash, for the staff and the patrons do comfort me and my purse doth flow over with credit cards"

Gadzooks!!! Spring has indeed sprung! It is heartwarming to see that someone has rolled away your virtual boulder to enable to wander the greenways & holloways of this august social media once again. I was beginning to wonder if you'd suffered the ignominy of a double death! Your cadaverous cumudgeonliness has been much missed!

There is a green hill far away. Why don't all you blasphemers sodding well go there.

I'm going to Lanzarote on Thursday - that'll have to do.

I once went to Rhyl.

You've irked me so much I've cut my finger while shaving that blasted coconut!

Try waxing instead......

You wax your coconut? Good heavens.

Smooth as a badger's nose, Strachan - can't recommend it highly enough (and you can pick the remainders off the wax and make your own doormats too! - that should appeal to you as a Scotsman)

The Good Lord gave us chocolate as well as coconut. I prefer chocolate.

Cadburys gave us chocolate, madam.

This particular church secretary (who happens to be up to her eyeballs in Holy Week church bulletins at the moment) thanks you for the much needed comic relief. I don't know that Sophie would approve, but I certainly do. And the Eggclesiastes passage will be shared with my ministerial staff.

Happy to help.

Trust me, this week I need all the help I can get.

Ah, Holy Week.... Cuppa? Sherry? Meths?

Coal bunker. Now.

I have called the Royal Society for Protection of Nuts. You sir, should not be shaving coconuts and displaying them for all to see.

Sir (and it's not Madam, actually) chocolate comes from cocoa beans. Which God gave us. Chocolate is therefore one of my five a day.

One of our local churches plan on having a giraffe on site for Easter service. Somehow I think chocolate makes more sense.

A marzipan giraffe?

I'm an eggnostic.

 Neil 1.1 " Thou doth needith to remember it is a coconut else thou will breakith a tooth."

Chocolate gives me migraines

I want the Biblical coconut quote, chapter and verse.

There are no atheists in the chocolate aisle.

I wouldn't know. I'm still trying to figure out why I would have slivovitz for Passover. What Angel of Death suggested that??? How did THAT stop any first borns from getting nixed?

One with a sense of humor?

Last time I shaved any coconuts, I had to get cream for the rash.

What sort of beastie lays a chocolate egg?

Surely they must be even bigger & even more chocolatey.

I want one of those.

If your stick is shinty I think you should have AW draw you a bath.

He would, but his pencil is broken

And last time he got a toe stuck in the tap...

Um... you might be thinking about the loofah story.

 And it wasn't a toe.

So much for discretion...

 Well, now, chocolate is a religion to some.

 It's pretty bad that chocolate is not mentioned anywhere in the Bible. What was God thinking?

Speaking of atheists, Amazon recently told me: 'Customers who bought "An Atheist's History of Belief" by Matthew Kneale also bought Brabantia bin liners' which was really helpful.