I had a flirtation with a dating web site a while back, just to see what it was like and to admire the self-aggrandisement of Mr. T who is still at it, by the bye; thinks he is a mirror wherein, presumably, lucky women can see their souls. He'd need to clean himself up a bit for that IMO, and maybe get re-silvered.
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About himself Mr T says:
“I'm the card that's so high and wild you'll never need another.”
- Wow!! Irresistable bombast.
About the person Mr T is looking for:
“A woman who feels the need to be more open and honest than she has ever been before.”
- It is to be hoped she keeps her purse closed however.
The three most precious things to Mr T are:
“ Love - that's all there is “
Really? Coming from Mr. T that last has to rate as 'a bit rich.' He's also lost some time as he's now posting as 58. Alien abduction maybe.
It's good for a laugh though, and personally I do value a good laugh above all things, so I suppose he could be said to be adding to the sum of human happiness.
***
Any new friendship at this point isn't interesting to me but part of me wondered nervously if this was a sign of incipient deterioration into Seriously Old Age. In other words I felt I SHOULD still want male friends and dates and the promise of sexual encounter and so on. I stuck at it long enough to find out that I have definitely switched off. It was nice (ish) to find there were still men out there who like talking to me but a great relief to be able to keep them at a distance.
In fact, all round, I have a sense of freedom. Looking back, as one does when there isn't much else to do, I wonder how much of my need for relationship was habit and pride. Habit dies hard, indoctrination or hormones or genetics or - well, I don't know how many excitations there might be to keep this going in ones psyche - they are even harder to subdue. There's also pride. I did hate the image I had of myself as an unwanted woman, an image with no real foundation in fact. Now I see that, even if I had been 'unwanted' in the intersex games, there was a powerful part of me that had withdrawn from the game long ago but didn't quite realise it. A part of me has been looking for this freedom like an alcoholic or a smoker looks for release but hasn't quite got the will power to make it happen. Another part, equally strong, has been sabotaging every attempt because it wanted quite the opposite.
Maybe there's a book about these troublesome sub-personality clashes.
Maybe it would be amusing to write one. It has been really uncomfortable living with them sometimes.
1 comment:
Mr T as a high wild card - that's Leonard Cohen isn't it? Stranger Song as I recall. Pretentious used like that.
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