U and Non-U

Nancy Mitford and all things non-u came up at one of the family gatherings last week. I remember my mother-in-law giving me a book (Lady Behave) which amongst other hints on how to write letters to lords and ladies and how to address an Archbishop had helpful warnings about U and non U ways. A few stuck with me. One must never have a lavatory brush in sight in the lavatory. One should not call napkins 'serviettes.' Fish knives and cake forks are decidedly below the salt. Putting the milk into the cup before the tea wasn't Done. Doileys were out as were frills on cutlets. My mother of course did everything wrong in her thoroughly fussy aspiring-to-lower-middle-class way. Happy were the ignorant underclasses who got things right by chance and circumstance - like calling the dessert a pudding and having only one set of cutlery anyway so they would never make the faux pas of offering fish knives at a meal. Nancy M wrote her book Noblesse Oblige tongue in cheek, but for some it was serious. They needed to get the signals right so they weren't mistaken for the hoi polloi.

Today I dug out this poem by John Betjeman on the subject:

How To Get On In Society by John Betjeman

Phone for the fish knives, Norman
As cook is a little unnerved;
You kiddies have crumpled the serviettes
And I must have things daintily served.

Are the requisites all in the toilet?
The frills round the cutlets can wait
Till the girl has replenished the cruets
And switched on the logs in the grate.

It's ever so close in the lounge dear,
But the vestibule's comfy for tea
And Howard is riding on horseback
So do come and take some with me

Now here is a fork for your pastries
And do use the couch for your feet;
I know that I wanted to ask you-
Is trifle sufficient for sweet?

Milk and then just as it comes dear?
I'm afraid the preserve's full of stones;
Beg pardon, I'm soiling the doileys
With afternoon tea-cakes and scones.