Nightmare

The events of the last week would have been disturbing enough but they came just three weeks after my grandson returned home deeply distressed after a visit to his father and was finally coaxed into revealing the reason for his distress: His father had threatened to shoot his mother and her partner.


The child is forced, when visiting this charmer, to call his mother (and all of the rest of us) by obscene names. The charmer’s partner, who seems to be a hot-headed and jealous woman (we already suspect her of hitting S once in the past) helps by prompting S if he fails to speak of us in the required terms. S was shown a pocket full of marbles and a catapult and told these are to be used to smash the windows of my daughter’s car and the house. The death threat will be carried out if the father hears he has three days left to live. What a thoughtful parent to envisage killing his son’s mum just as his son is hypothetically about to lose his other parent! As G is 55 and his health isn’t great, (angina, stents , dodgy heart, etc.) This isn’t so distant a possibility as it might sound, especially to his young son. Dad is always telling him that he might die at any time. Playing the guilt/sympathy card. He’s really good at that.

My daughter was persuaded by two retired policemen to report the threat to the police. She was reluctant to do this because S had told her of the threats in confidence and she is always afraid he will stop confiding in her if she betrays these confidences. S doesn’t want to stop seeing his dad. That’s just about understandable - we all want our fathers to love us, be an OK person, and so on; at least at that age.

The police agreed not to speak to S . One officer was particularly sympathetic because he had been in the same position himself as a child , having to sell one or other parent ‘down the river’ every time the police called after an incident. He remembers how bad that made him feel.

After several long interviews with C & I they uplifted the guns and G’s licence has been revoked until the situation is reviewed. The police told my daughter that they had received similar reports from a source who overheard G sounding off in Tesco! Unfortunately that source was ‘too specific’ to be used in evidence. We don’t understand this.

There’s a lot we don’t understand and a lot that is driving me wild with frustration. It feels as if no-one can or will help. Because there is a legally binding agreement in place, made at the time of the divorce and custody proceedings, S has to see his father every third weekend or his mother is in contempt of court. The visit fell this weekend. He doesn’t stay overnight (that happens only at the mother’s discretion) so I saw him yesterday eve. He told me everything was fine. As soon as he got home to his mum he was frenetic, acting wildly and with extreme jollity, pretending to be OK, whilst we tried to enjoy a barbecue. Bits came out gradually to his mum and her partner. It seems, unsurprisingly, that dad is very angry and has made that anger quite clear. He was sworn to secrecy again so, in effect, must lie to us. A child of 11 really can’t keep that sort of thing to himself and shouldn’t be asked to. This man is evil.

S goes to a counsellor who claims she can do nothing unless he asks her to so would be no help if C did have to withhold visits and was taken to court. The father has legal aid so can go to a solicitor as often as he likes whereas C would have to pay thousands again to defend herself.

I don’t care about the threats. The man is a coward anyway. I do care about the poison he is dripping into my grandson’s ear and the terrible patterns he is building up in him of lying and deceiving, of fear and mistrust... to name but a few. I will also be very surprised if S manages to get to the end of term with all this going around in his head. It separates him from his peers because he feels he’s the only one with so many troubles. The school aren’t much help. I will bet money that he can’t go away with his class on the canoeing expedition because he’ll be too worried about what’s going on at home and if everyone is safe.

I write this in the hope of getting some of it out of my own system. I’m finding it very hard to breath at the moment! Also - if anyone out there has any ideas or views I’d be extremely grateful to hear them. We think we’ve covered all bases and are stuck with the situation,but a fresh eye might see something we’ve missed.