10 days into the South Beach Diet (similar to Atkins but fat-free-ish with less steak and bacon) I have developed a radical, nausea-driven, dislike of eggs that will follow me through the rest of my life, so breakfast has had to include carbs in the form of these devilish crispbreads that have virtually nothing of anything in them but fibre. They taste like heaven. The spread is Benecol. the cheese is reduced fat. 

Last week I felt extremely ill, getting lots of those moments when the world goes white. I checked with the new medication and read: ‘Should not be taken by those on a diet of less than 1000 calories a day.”  I wasn’t eating anywhere near that amount. Anyway, it’s settled down now and with a bit of adaptation (no more fecking eggs for breakfast) I should be able to keep it up for a while. It has been a problem because I’m lazy about cooking for myself and when I get home from the shop at 2.30 I want something instant which has usually meant fish (quick dry-fried) or organic tinned tomato soup which has, distressingly, got sugar in it!  The fish is OK (there has been some wonderful Dover sole on sale ) but there’s only so much fish I can eat in a week. The diet encourages steak (the man’s an American after all) which I don’t normally eat but by the end of last week all the customers were beginning to look like steaks so I bought a couple of slices of sirloins, then had beef at the  carvery  with Sanders on Sunday. The customers are safe.

A couple of inches have gone from where my waist should be and where the ‘Cushon Syndrome’ from the prednisilone has settled. I still won’t be asked onto the catwalk but I suppose it’s a result. No idea if I’ve lost weight - it’ll just be water so far anyway. My BMI was fine before but 12 yr olds have to tell you to do something in order to feel they have the power. Huff!

I can’t help feeling proud of myself as I baked the required 4 Christmas cakes and three pudding whilst in the early days of starvation without stealing so much as a single current.That’s will-power for you - or the need to outwit the 12yr old who wanted to double the dose of medication without even a second blood test. 

I’m too much of a coward to ditch the doctors altogether as two of my friends with high prostate scores for cancer have done. Both seem to have found alternative ways of dealing with the disease, one including marijuana. Now, hearing about the other, the second is off to Amsterdam tomorrow to go that happy route.