Decisions, decisions.

Not much energy is being put into book sales of late. Strangely the income stays the same although the numbers of orders drop.

Somebody must be looking after me up there, but I don’t envy them their job.

A couple of days on the couch with Michael Connelly (he’s readable) and a bottle of Marks & Spencer Rosé (reduced, very quaffable) and I came up with a solid plan for my future. I’m getting rid of all my book stock (friends have been alerted) and, probably, putting this place on the market. I’ve even asked Estate Agents for ballpark estimates. The one who has turned up so far called it ‘quirky’ and was apparently rather taken with it so said he’d have to go away and think about it a bit because it wasn’t what he’d been expecting. If nothing else I may decided I like the quirkiness and stay after all. I very much dislike featureless houses and there are far too many of those around. It isn’t the best time to be selling, to state the obvious, but prices don’t seem to have dropped as much in this area. For the next move - well, there has been a suggestion made by other members of the family for a ‘family’ sized house which might help Sander's sense of security and lessen the number of bedrooms he has with his name on to wake up in. This is the fun bit; I'm beginning to nose around properties in the area. We shall see. I love looking at houses so won’t mind a bit if it drags out.

Nosing into people's lives and talking to book dealer friends again make a welcome break from worrying about Sanders who is still the front end of the donkey (‘Heee’ on the inbreath to my ‘Haaaw’ on the outbreath.) Occasional glimmers of what is going on for the poor child do nothing to reassure. Throat = communications chakra where problems stem from fear of voicing thoughts, fear of making oneself heard in the world and so on. When he is ever going to feel he can have his own life back I just don’t know. He worries about both his parents and telling him not to doesn’t seem to make any impact. Frankly the lack of professional help available is as much of a scandal as the saga of Iain’s back. Even after hospitalisation he is still on a long waiting list for the child psychs - and will they be any good?

To go back to the Plan (to cheer myself up.) Once I’d decided to sell all my stock one way or another I started to wake in the night thinking about books I want to keep. The pile is getting bigger and bigger. Will I ever be able to go back to putting humble paperbacks on my shelves? I suspect not. There are books I like to read once a year, books I have promised myself I will read one day, and books with decorated covers I like the look of too much to part with, quite apart from reference books, local books, etc. etc.. It’s all very difficult.