The Circles of Hell

Nine Circles of Hell.

1 Limbo.

‘Here reside the unbaptized and the virtuous pagans, who, though not sinful, did not accept Christ. Here also reside those who, if they lived before the coming of Christ, did not pay fitting homage to their respective deity.’

In bookseller terminology this means those who browse but do not buy; those who browse only to find the value of their own books; those who browse then go to look for it in the charity shops.

‘the guiltless damned are punished by living in a deficient form of heaven. ‘

My limbo has NO books.

2. The Lustful

Taken literally this could be the place for one or two unwashed males of this parish who hang about here making lame jokes and suggesting I go for a drink with them. Taken less literally it’s the covetous book collectors who try to get me to lower my prices just for them by fair means or foul; or the sellers of very ordinary books who bridle in outrage at my offer.

‘These souls are blown about to and fro by a violent storm, without hope of rest. This symbolises the power of lust to blow one about needlessly and aimlessly.’

Quite so.

3. Gluttons.

Literally: people who bring food into the shop, either in greasy paper bags to eat later or half-eaten as they stuff in the last mouthfuls. The mothers who give their children a crumbly cake just before entering ( There was one in yesterday. I’m still finding the crumbs.)
Especially I shall enjoy consigning to this circle the mother who gave her teenage children a picnic each to bring in whilst browsing (see a much earlier post.)

Less literally and I think it’s for the more extreme cases from circle 3 (or persistent offenders from that circle.)

They are forced to lie in a vile slush made by freezing rain, black snow, and hail. This symbolises the garbage that the gluttons made of their lives on earth, slavering over food.

4.Avarice

(I can’t help feeling Dante was lacking in imagination. These earlier circles are a bit repetitive.)

‘Those whose concern for material goods deviated from the desired mean are punished in this circle. They include the avaricious or miserly, who hoarded possessions, and the prodigal, who squandered them.’

This is obviously for those who decline to part with the books I would really like for my shelves, and for the booksellers who don’t offer me enough discount (or have priced too high in the first place.) It is also for the people who have had good books in their possession and maltreated them by leaving them lying about face down with the spine broken open. Or by mending them with cellotape or taping in the dustjackets (see previous pst) or annotating them, or inscribing them with long emotional paragraphs to the recipeint, or writing notes to themselves and making shopping lists on the rear pastedown.

5. The Wrathful and the Slothful.

Hmmm. I have his name.......

I will add to this circle the Amazon listers who clog up a listing with Guild books or Reader’s Digest books, or any book that is not exactly the same as the description given. They could, if not so slothful, create their own listings and leave it an easier place for the potential buyers to find what they want.

They are condemned to lie gurgling in the waters of the River Styx or to fight each other on its surface. Quite right too.

6. The Heretics

These are, of course, the iconoclasts who go round opining that the book has had its day. That it will be replaced by DVD’s and ebooks on Palm Readers, (or whatever the newest gizmo is called. )

It is also the place for the price undercutters on Amazon who devalue my stock daily, especially the mega-listers with their automatic price-undercutting software.

I have to go buy some books so the other circles will have to wait to be filled up later.